Heartbreak

A couple of years ago I was talking to a friend about a painful breakup he had just gone through. He made the comment " I just feel like someone ripped out my heart and stomped on it." I am into imagery, so that statement has stuck around in my brain.

For me, the majority of heartbreak in my life has not been of the romantic variety. My brother suffers from bipolar disorder. Every episode of depression or mania interrupts his normal life, often leaving lasting consequences. It is hard to be around him, hard to explain to people what is going on, hard to understand at all a lot of the time.To watch a smart, sweet, funny young man's mind turn on him, turning him into a different person can only be described as heartbreaking. But this post isn't really about all the details of his disease, but what God has taught me so far through the trials.

1. God is faithful- It is one of those seemingly simple concepts that is so deep I will never fully understand this side of heaven. But just a couple days ago, I was being decieved into feeling hopeless, when the Holy Spirit reminded me- God has brought you through every other thing before, he will bring you through this too. What a comfort, what an anchor to hold onto in the storm!

2. Prayer is powerful- You hear  it in the movies, when the doctor walks out of a sick patient's room. I have said it on numerous occasions myself- "All we can do now is pray." What I am in effect saying is  "All we can do now is [the most powerful and life-changing act we could possibly do.] I am working on praying first, acting second in all areas of my life.

3. Worry, doubt, and fear are not from God- they're just not. I used to feel like I wasn't a good sister if I wasn't worrying about David or showing some outward sign that I was unhappy all the time he wasn't healthy. But now when I catch myself stressing,  I ask myself "have I prayed?" If the answer is no, I pray. If the answer is yes, then what the heck am I doing? Doubting God heard me? Doubting he loves my brother enough to do what is right for him? Doubting God's power to carry out his will?

4. My family in Christ are there to support me- it's crazy how Satan can decieve me into isolating myself in times of trouble. But my church families, and other brothers and sister in Christ are made to be God's love in the flesh. The Church is made to be a net to catch each other in times of trouble.

The cool thing about these truths that God has reminded me of is that they will apply to any hardship in the future: loneliness overseas, stress in relationships, The Office going off the air (joke!).

Today I do kind of feel like someone ripped out my heart and stomped on it. But I strive to offer it up to God, to ask him for a new heart for tomorrow; a purer, softer, bigger heart that beats only for Jesus.
And apparently, I am not the only one to suffer in life, who knew? Psalms 51:10-12  helps me out a lot.

 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
   or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.  
                                                

Some books I have enjoyed recently

I realize there is a number of people out there who have been laying awake at night wondering "What has Shelly been reading these days?" Well, this blog is for you!

Erasing Hell by Francis Chan and Preston Sprinkle- I'm no expert on this topic, but I think the Chan man delivered here!

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman- I know I am way behind on this train, but now I can finally answer next time someone asks me what my love language is! (Happens all the time.) I think this will be useful stuff to remember when working on a team of different people.

How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Henry Cloud- My sister and several friends had read this and recommended it. It is pretty much opposite of a lot of dating books in the Christian sphere. I have this love/hate relationship with the information presented. I think he makes excellent points, but to actually apply it in my life would take some serious work!

Not A Fan by Kyle Idleman- I thought this was a good challenge book, especially for Christians living in the Bible-belt. And he is funny!

Mr. Darcy broke my heart by Beth Pattillo- I am pretty much a sucker for anything Jane Austen related, so when I saw this on clearance I gave in! The protagonist finds the original manuscript to Pride and Prejudice, so you get a different twist on the story.

Easy French Step by Step- I am learning French, easily and step by step.......kind of...

What about you? Any books to recommend?